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2 weeks ago
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Key events
60 min: Toney is again clipped, this time by Garbett in the box as he latches onto a pass down the left channel. Penalty! Penalty? No penalty, because Toney was marginally offside. That would have been another soft foul, to be fair.
58 min: O’Reilly slips a ball down the inside left for Toney, who spins Payne and wins a foul. There wasn’t much contact, but Toney was wily. James again over the set piece, just to the left of the D … and he spanks it straight into the wall.
56 min: James sends the free kick in, but a couple of red shirts clank into white ones, some NFL-style blocking at the home of the Bucs that won’t wash. Flag!
55 min: England are pushing New Zealand back. The All Whites can’t get out. Singh clips Anderson in frustration and the Forest midfielder goes down. A grimace, but there’s nothing to worry about as he’s immediately back up onto his feet. James prepares to send the free kick in from the right.
53 min: Gordon sashays in from the left and looks for the bottom right. Blocked. The ball breaks to Ngumoha, who twinkles in from the right but can’t fashion enough space to shoot.
51 min: Gordon scampers after a long pass down the left and cuts back in the hope of finding Toney, but the striker is ahead of the ball. Nobody coming in at the far post for England, so the All Whites clear.
50 min: Burn looked genuinely aghast at missing a big chance to score his first international goal. It was a good one, with the keeper on walkabout.
49 min: Gordon wins a corner down the left. It’s sent into the mixer. Crocombe comes off his line to punch clear but misses. Burn wins a header, but from six yards pings it off the outside of the right-hand post and away for a goal kick.
48 min: Admin all complete. We may have more to do later, because should Ngumoha find the net today, he’d beat Wayne Rooney’s record as youngest scorer for England.
47 min: … and so is most of the second. New Zealand have made one change themselves, sending on Rufer for Bell.
New Zealand get the ball rolling for the second half. The first minute is soundtracked by a long PA announcement of all the changes.
As expected, England have changed their entire team. There’s a debut for 17-year-old Liverpool winger Rio Ngumoha.
England: Trafford, James, Konsa, Burn, Livramento, O’Reilly, Anderson, Bellingham, Ngumoha, Gordon, Toney.
HALF-TIME ENTERTAINMENT. “England may not have a memorable song for WC26, but New Zealand’s Tim Payne has his own cumbia thanks to some Argentinian influencers,” reports Andy Gordon. “He now has 5.3 million followers on Instagram, equal to the population of his country.”
All together everyone …
🎵 🎶 They say Messi, they say Pelé
They say Maradona too
But from the stands a new chant came:
The new GOAT is Tim Payne, it’s true! 🎶 🎵
HALF TIME: England 1-0 New Zealand
It wasn’t much of a spectacle, but that’s not really the point. England will be chuffed enough to get some minutes into their legs, under the searing sun. And Harry Kane has his goal. Everyone happy. Now for the next batch.
45 min +3: As that ball whistled into the net, Surman’s hands rose to his head in despair. New Zealand so close to a first-half shutout. But you can’t keep a goal machine down.
GOAL! England 1-0 New Zealand (Kane 45+2)
A bit of space for Spence out on the left. He curls an inviting cross into the mixer. Kane times his run into the box perfectly, flicking across Crocombe and into the bottom right. That’s his 79th goal for England, and a lovely deft finish.
45 min +1: A bit of time for Just out on the left. The Motherwell winger carves a curling cross towards Wood, battling for space with Guehi at the far stick. The defender wins the battle, but for a split second there, Wood’s eyes were lighting up.
45 min: There will be three additional minutes of this half.
44 min: Rashford drops deep to quarterback, but his fling forward in the hope of finding wide receiver Watkins is more Baker Mayfield than Tom Brady, and easily intercepted by Crocombe.
43 min: The pace has dropped considerably, which is understandable in the Florida sun.
41 min: Rashford again, from a similar position. This shot is more of a vicious whip, and flies well wide of the right-hand upright. Rashford effs and jeffs in frustration. Not long now if he wants a goal today, because it’ll be all-change after the break.
40 min: Rashford tries to make up for that poor delivery by taking a shy at goal from 25 yards. He cuts in from the left and hits a cross-cum-curling-shot that only just misses the right-hand post. Any little touch on that going through might have put the Kiwis in bother.
39 min: Spence makes a nuisance of himself down the left touchline, winning first a throw, then a corner with a back-flick. Rashford’s delivery of the set piece is no good, though, and easily cleared by Bell at the near post.
37 min: Rogers whips a cross in from a tight angle on the right. Crocombe claims at his near post, but only after juggling the ball a little bit, which won’t have helped his team-mates’ nerves given how close to the goalline he was. But all’s well.
35 min: … but nothing comes of the corner. “Drinks breaks are all well and good,” writes Matt Dony, “but does anyone know what’s on the menu for the lunch break? And will they be stopping for tea later on?”
34 min: Rashford drops a shoulder to see off Payne on the left. He reaches the byline and stands one up for Kane at the far stick. Kane powers a header goalwards from a tight angle. Crocombe does very well to react, tipping the ball over the bar, a fine reaction save. As close as England have come.
32 min: Watkins powers down the right, chasing after Pickford’s long ball, seeing off Cacace before fizzing a low cross into the middle, nearly finding Rashford on the edge of the six-yard box. Crocombe smothers just in time.
30 min: Mainoo opens his body and has a shot from the left-hand edge of the D. Wide and high, but not by much. Fine effort.
29 min: “Why not get carried away?” replies Simon McMahon to Charles Antaki (24 min). “It’s 2-0 Scotland. IT’S COMING HOME, BABY!!!” Peep, peep! Anyone want a lift in my Chrysler Hubris?
27 min: Garbett barges his way down the middle of the pitch, spotting a bit of space to break into and aiming for the bottom-right corner from the edge of the box. Pickford gets down to parry, although not wholly convincingly. Wood can’t get onto the rebound at the far stick, but England have once again been found a little bit more open than is ideal.
25 min: The game resarts.
24 min: As everyone takes water on board, both coaches issue tactical instruction in the demonstrative style. “This all has the welcome feel of the start of something exotic,” begins Charles Antaki. “Two teams playing in hot bright sunlight while it’s beginning to get dark outside my window. Unfamiliar names, tasty kits. But then happily we hear dear old Lee Dixon on co-comms and we’re back down on solid earth again. Getting carried away can come later.”
22 min: Spence has another go from distance. Miles wide. And that’s drinks.
21 min: … England unfurl a training-ground move, Rashford rolling the corner back down the right line for Henderson, who shuttles it into the path of Spence. A shot is skelped goalwards from 25 yards, but doesn’t make it all the way through a crowded mixer.
20 min: England are beginning to move up through the gears now. Rashford drifts in from the left and shoots. Surman blocks. Then Rogers crosses dangerously from the right. Behind for a corner. From which …
18 min: … but he has now! Kane drops deep. He’s given too much time and space as well, and Kane’s not going to turn this opportunity down. He creams a dipping drive towards the bottom-right corner from 25 yards. Crocombe extends fully to parry away from danger.
16 min: Rogers shimmies in from the right, given far too much time and space to shoot. He wangs a wild effort miles high and wide left. Crocombe still hasn’t had any serious work to do.
14 min: Watkins chases a long pass down the right before yanking a low diagonal shot miles wide left of goal. Uncharacteristically poor.
13 min: New Zealand will be very happy with this so far. England not so much. A better side might have made more of the decent opportunities the All Whites have had.
11 min: Just sends a left-to-right diagonal for Wood, who outpowers Guehi on the right, holding the defender off before playing a cute reverse pass down the channel to release Garbett into the box. Garbett should shoot, albeit from a tight angle, but doesn’t back himself against Pickford. He cuts back to nobody in particular and England clear their lines.
9 min: … Stones can’t flash a header goalwards. He was only six yards out, that was a chance. A pinball game in the six-yard box, but breaks out, but New Zealand clear and counter, a long ball down the left sending Wood scuttling towards the England box. England are fortunate that Wood isn’t blessed with pace, and he sputters out.
8 min: Henderson crosses from a deep position on the left. The ball’s flicked out for another corner with Watkins lurking. And from the resulting corner, sent in from the right …
6 min: Stamenic turns into space, inside his own half, and pearls a lovely pass down the inside-left channel to release Just into space. Just crosses low to … nobody in the middle. Shame a team-mate couldn’t keep up with play, because that was a good move, and England were opened up a bit too easily there. “Are England and New Zealand really worrying about a poor pitch that might break up as the game progresses? Where are they playing, Lord’s?” Bob O’Hara, ladies and gentlemen, he’s here all week, try the Two For $10 Dasani Water or $12.50 Peanut and Pretzel Combo.
4 min: Rashford brings the ball under control elegantly down the left, and cuts back for Henderson, whose first-time drive for goal is blocked and cleared. All England possession in these early exchanges.
2 min: Rashford drops deep and goes long, looking for Watkins. Cacace takes a wild swipe at a clearance and slices behind for the first corner of the match. But soon enough the ball is back at the feet of Pickford. Some early Kiwi nerves betrayed.
England get the ball rolling. Wood and Kane enjoying a friendly chat on the halfway line.
The teams are out at the Raymond James Stadium, home of the two-time Super Bowl winning Tampa Bay Buccaneers. New Zealand in all white, England 1966 red. We’ll be off once anthems have been sung, pennants swapped, coins tossed and fists bumped.
Pre-match postbag. “Worth keeping an eye on Eli Just. He’s built like he could hide behind a lamppost, but he’s been absolute magic for Motherwell this season (our player of the year, and also the player’s player of the year - the guys who play against him rate him incredibly highly). So long as the ref doesn’t let England kick him in exactly the way that the SFA’s finest have been happy to wave through, he could give them a helluva scare tonight. I mean, obviously now I’ve said that he’ll play like a drain, but if it keeps the vultures away that’s all to the good” – James Humphries
“As you say, the game itself is of minimal import. I am, however, interested in it as an early indicator of how awful ITV’s coverage will be this time around. Presumably his absence from the squad should at least reduce the amount of droning on about Phil Foden” – Tom Hopkins
“What is the point of these injury-risking warm-ups against a side that obviously won’t be involved in the business end of the tournament? Surely New Zealand could have found more worthwhile opposition?” – Justin Kavanagh (because somebody had to go there)
More from a very cheerful and relaxed Tuchel on ITV: “We had a good training week … a lot in the legs … this is the first really hot day … hotter in the stadium than outside … I see no problem why we shouldn’t implement our high press … our ball speed … hopefully have a lot of possession because it is nicer to play with the ball than off the ball in the heat … there is always a chance to impress … the door is always open … I have a lot of trust in the group … they will not lose my trust today, no matter what happens, but there is always the chance to make a good impression.”
Thomas Tuchel is asked about the state of the slightly tatty pitch – a few squares of turf curling up at the edges - on ITV. “I haven’t been out there … we just decided that we will blame the pitch if it doesn’t go so well! … but jokes aside … New Zealand trained yesterday and said it doesn’t look good but it’s playable … let’s see.”
Morgan Rogers talks to ITV from a hot and humid Raymond James Stadium in Tampa. “So excited … it’s a young boy’s dream to be in this position, to represent my country in a World Cup … it being so close, the excitement gets bigger every day … it’s hot, as expected … we’ve got a job to do … acclimatise … get used to it and be in the best possible shape when the time comes … we’re going to have to push ourselves to the limit … strategy will be a big thing at the tournament.”
Thomas Tuchel is expected to change the entire team at half-time. A reminder that he won’t be able to call on Declan Rice, Eberechi Eze, Bukayo Saka or Noni Madueke, with all four Arsenal players joining the squad late after their exertions in the Champions League final.
New Zealand are ranked 85th in the world. Their star performer is the aforementioned Chris Wood of Nottingham Forest, with 45 goals in 89 appearances for the All Whites. Motherwell winger Elijah Just will be looking for his tenth international goal tonight, Peterborough’s Matt Garbett provides graft in midfield, while Millwall’s Max Crocombe starts inbetween the sticks.
That’s quite the attack. Morgan Rogers and Marcus Rashford have both scored 15 goals for club and country this season; Ollie Watkins has 22; Harry Kane a preposterous 66. Just the 118 goals between them. Phew. It’s not the quickest midfield pairing in Jordan Henderson and Kobbie Mainoo, mind, and you’d get generous odds on them starting alongside each other against Croatia a week on Wednesday. But you can’t have everything.
The teams
England: Pickford, Quansah, Stones, Guehi, Spence, Mainoo, J Henderson, Rogers, Kane, Rashford, Watkins.
Subs: D Henderson, Trafford, Konsa, O’Reilly, Anderson, Bellingham, Livramento, Burn, Gordon, Toney, James, Scott, King, Nwaneri, Ngumoha.
New Zealand: Crocombe, Payne, Boxall, Surman, Cacace, Garbett, Bell, Stamenic, Singh, Wood, Just.
Subs: Paulsen, Woud, de Vries, Bindon, Rufer, Pijnaker, Barbarouses, Waine, Old, McCowatt, Randall, Elliot, Bayliss, Smith.
We’ve also got a guide to every single player going to North America this summer. Every last one of them just an elegant clickity-click away.
… and on that very subject, this is great fun / dangerously addictive. Fiddle around, and find out how quickly the draw can get all out of whack when just one of the leading contenders fails to win their group, as they did when I ran my model. Oh Spain, that last-minute equaliser for Cape Verde so costly! The knock-on effect was an all-Iberian quarter-final clash with Portugal, who swept them aside just as they did in the Nations League last year. Portugal went on to the final, where they were beaten by Turkey, who had surprised Germany in the semis. I had Scotland making the quarters, as well, so I wouldn’t rush out to the bookies and lump big on any of this. But yes, great fun.
… so having talked about not getting too far ahead of ourselves too soon, here’s a piece about England’s route to glory, as determined by Opta and their big calculator. Hey, we’re nothing if not a broad church.
Preamble
Let’s be honest with ourselves and each other: this really doesn’t matter that much. Not only is it a World Cup warm-up game, contested by two teams trying out a few things and making sure nobody pulls up lame, it’s also a World Cup warm-up game between England and New Zealand … and history suggests those two nations aren’t much of a match.
But first up, consider the state of play as is. England will go into the tournament as third-favourites to win, behind just Spain and France and ahead of five-time winners Brazil and reigning champions Argentina. New Zealand meanwhile made it to the finals having beaten Tahiti, Vanuatu, Samoa, Fiji and New Caledonia in qualifying, to the cumulative score of 29-1, and have subsequently lost eight of their last ten matches, the latest an embarrassing 4-0 defeat by Haiti. Their only win during that sequence was an admittedly good-looking 4-1 victory over Chile … who went down to ten men after 27 minutes.
And then there’s our good old friend The Past. England and New Zealand have officially met twice previously, both matches held within the space of five days in the summer of 1991. Graham Taylor’s team won both games, 1-0 and 2-0, Gary Lineker, Stuart Pearce and David Hirst doing the damage. There were another six unofficial games in the sixties: between June 1961 and June 1969, England won every one of them, running up an aggregate score of 35-2.
So, y’know. But then England’s last two outings weren’t that impressive – a 1-1 draw with Uruguay and a 1-0 defeat to Japan, both at Wembley – so it’s probably best for everyone not to get too far ahead of themselves. Yet despite the generally tepid nature of pre-tournament warm-ups, and with all their concomitant line-up experiments and substitutions, this game tonight should be a shoo-in for Thomas Tuchel’s team. Hey, if they don’t win, the internet won’t explode … but it may start gently rocking and convulsing with mirth. Not that anyone should be too euphoric/embarrassed. Because let’s be honest with ourselves and each other: this really doesn’t matter that much. Kick-off is at 9pm BST. It’s on!
