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Barney Ronay
In the novel Rabbit, Run, John Updike has one of his characters, a groovy and progressive 1960s priest, calling round to talk to his fellow minister, a hard German Lutheran, about the secret doubts he harbours about his faith. Is the doctrine really necessary? Is hell just, you know, a metaphor? He likes Jesus. But maybe he also likes sinful things, like sex and recklessly open attacking football.
The hard German Lutheran takes one look, curls his lip and tells the groovy progressive priest to get down on his knees in the kitchen and beg for forgiveness. Who is he to reason with divine suffering? Life is pain. Joy is pain. Pain is pain. Frankly, the groovy priest who likes flying full-backs and an open midfield disgusts him. He will burn in hell for his spineless debauchery. The groovy priest leaves in tears.
Cutting straight to the views of Clarence Seedorf on Amazon Prime after the 5-4 between Paris Saint-Germain and Bayern Munich on Tuesday night felt a bit like this. Seedorf is an excellent pundit, hugely informed and quietly twinkly, with the brow, the jaw and the eyes of some terrifyingly austere US president, all brackish integrity and ramrod restraint, but dressed in golf clothing and stood next to Wayne Rooney.
What Seedorf said about the virtues of structure, about entertainment versus restraint, was in many ways very Dutch, even perhaps quite Lutheran in tone. Yes, goals are good. Fun is fine. But football is also control and defence. Football is not conceding four goals at home. Arsenal and Atlético Madrid can study this, feed on it as a weakness to be gouged open. And good luck to them both with that.
Preamble
How can you follow the Lord Mayor’s Show? By doing it again a week later, doofus. Sure, Bayern Munich and Paris Saint-Germain may not share another nine goals in Munich, but it’s hard to see tonight’s match being anything other than a belter.
PSG, who lead 5-4 after last week’s pinnacle of art and culture, are aiming to reach back-to-back Champions League finals for the first time. Bayern last reached a final in 2019-20, when they beat PSG 1-0 in Lisbon to win the competition for the sixth time.
That was a tense, cagey affair. Tonight should be tense too.
Kick off 8pm. Arsenal await the winners.
