Struggling families like mine don’t talk about the cost of living any more – now it’s the cost of survival | Ella Michalski

In times of war, it is right that we focus on the human suffering of those affected by military action. But its ripple effects have worsened an already dire set of living standards for families like mine, who simply cannot meet the rising costs of the most basic of essentials. With Bank of England research showing that companies are expected to raise prices rapidly over the coming months, we feel genuinely terrified about the costs we’ll be facing.

What was once considered a temporary fiscal emergency after the invasion of Ukraine is now a persistent, gruelling reality for too many. The term “crisis” suggests something that we could move beyond. But this impossible effort to make ends meet is a constant now for millions. It has been going on for so long that it has become almost normal. Having to make impossible decisions about what to go without, and what vital item of expenditure can wait another week – or more likely month – is not normal, is not right; and it harms millions of families, day after day.

I am part of Changing Realities, one of more than 200 parents on a low income who have been documenting what life is like when you’re struggling to get by. We come together from across the four nations of the UK to promote awareness of what daily life in poverty entails – but also to push for change: to argue that tomorrow must be better than today. This matters more than ever as we see the rapid escalation in costs, with worse expected to come. As another parent, Mike, said recently, it’s not a cost of living crisis any more: it’s a cost of survival crisis.

Families like my own have cut back as far as we can. My two disabled daughters are now embarking on their second year of primary school, yet our financial circumstances have not significantly improved in the past five years. My partner works but I’ve found that, for me, adapting work around a child with complex needs is a nightmare, and the jobs I have worked at simply do not provide for how rapidly I need to adjust my schedule at a moment’s notice. Like so many people, we are trapped through circumstance and struggling to find a way out.

My own family relies heavily on our car as my daughters struggle profoundly on public transport. There is no escaping this cost, or the fear that the rapid rises in petrol prices causes me.

In recent months, we have seen some positive first steps in tackling child poverty. This week, the two-child benefit cap, which has trapped so many people in poverty, has finally been abolished, and the minimum wage has risen. Rail fares in England have also been frozen. But this only skims the surface of the type of support that is so desperately needed. Families with the least face the highest rates of inflation, as the bulk of their expenditure goes on items whose costs are rising fastest: food and energy.

And what of emergency support? At the beginning of this month, the government launched the crisis and resilience fund (CRF) in England, an adapted version of its predecessor, the household support fund. The CRF aims to reduce reliance on emergency funds and create financial resilience through signposting and other means. Theoretically, this is a great idea, but it is infeasible to budget money that simply does not exist. Accessibility to the fund is also a concern. In my own experience, one of the major obstacles to obtaining support is bureaucracy, and under-informed council workers who frequently do not know how to access or refer people who need help.

Last week, Rachel Reeves promised her government would target cost of living support at “those who need it most”. This needs to happen fast, and there must be a recognition from the government that families with dependent children need more support, quite simply as they have more mouths to feed and more people to keep warm and clothed. The last round of cost of living payments were provided on a flat rate, with a single person getting the same amount as a family of four, such as my own. This made no sense, and I hope this time round things will be different and better.

Changes also need to be made to universal credit, a benefit that almost one in two households with children now receive, following the completion of its decade-long rollout this week. Simple fixes could improve it: ending the punishing five-week wait for a first payment, and working to ensure people have better trust in a system that so many depend on. We worked with the Resolution Foundation on a set of changes that could be made to achieve just this: I ask now, will the government finally listen and learn?

• Ella Michalski is part of Changing Realities, a collaboration of parents and low-income families from across the UK working with researchers from theUniversity of Glasgow, the London School of Hygiene and Tropical Medicine and Child Poverty Action Group