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5 hours ago
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It could have been a flash of arrogance. Hubris for the ages. On Thursday morning, when most pundits were still calling the Gorton and Denton byelection a three-way fight that was impossible to call, the Green party sent a note to journalists. Come to the first press conference of Hannah Spencer MP tomorrow. And while you’re about it, stay on to join her for her first constituency surgery. What could possibly go wrong? As it happens … absolutely nothing.
In the end it wasn’t even close, with the Greens getting 40% of the vote and Reform trailing a long way behind in second on 28%. Labour came a distant third on 25%. About the worst possible result for them, leaving in tatters the idea that they were the only progressive party on the left that could defeat Reform. For the Greens, this was a night of undiluted triumph. The first byelection victory in their history. In a seat they had never previously targeted. Life couldn’t be more sweet.
Spencer’s victory speech was endearingly down to earth. She had never considered herself a politician. She was a plumber who had recently qualified as a plasterer. If things don’t turn out quite how she hopes as an MP, she will still have a job for life in Westminster. The toilets there are in a shocking state and the buildings are falling to pieces. Let’s hope she remembers her hard hat when she is sworn in on Monday.
She spoke of her pride in being a working-class woman from the constituency. That she understood how hard the cost of living crisis was for everyone. How she valued the way neighbours still looked out for one another. Multiculturalism had defeated the toxic politics of the right. It was an object lesson in grace after next to no sleep. There again, she might have had 24 hours to write the speech.
The same couldn’t be said of Spencer’s opponents. Reform’s Matt Goodwin looked absolutely furious. He had come to believe it was his divine right to win. After all, what Nigel Farage wants, Nige gets. Reform is rapidly becoming the new entitled establishment elite.
What was it about Matt having said that anyone who was black or brown wasn’t properly British that had upset the 40% of the constituency who were black or brown? Surely some people just need to learn to accept they are second-class citizens. And why were women annoyed with his suggestion that white girls should leave school and have babies rather than get jobs? It was wokery gone mad.
Matt responded to the result by accusing the Greens of sectarianism and cheating. Outrageous. That kind of behaviour is normally the prerogative of Reform. It just didn’t quite pan out for them this time. Nige said something similar, from a distance. He couldn’t get too close to Matt’s failure, some of the shame might rub off on him. Matt was now a man to be tucked away in the deep freeze until such time as he became a Useful Idiot again. Or just left there permanently. That was a decision for later. Much later.
Still, it wasn’t all bad news for Matt. At least he no longer had to pretend he was looking forward to settling permanently in the constituency. Just imagine the kind of people he might have had as neighbours. Either a load of Islamists who wanted to blow up the town, or progressives handing out smack on street corners on a first come, first served basis. Far better to go back to the sanctuary of the south of England. Far more civilised. And yes, he might find himself with time on his hands until his GB News work picked up again. But there were still plenty of Andrew Tate videos for him to catch up on.
The Labour candidate, Angeliki Stogia, looked to be in shock. Struck down by an all too public grief. All her worst fears had been realised. She hadn’t just been beaten, she had been humiliated. It hadn’t been her fault that Keir Starmer had rigged the selection process. It hadn’t been her fault Labour had run such a negative campaign. And now she was the fall gal. Forever linked to a night of Labour despair. It was all she could do to stand up and remain mute. Within seconds of the announcement ending, she had scarpered. Off to hide under a rock for six months.
So it was left to the transport secretary, Heidi Alexander, to take the flak on the morning media round. She didn’t fare any better than Stogia. Shouldn’t Starmer say sorry for blocking Andy Burnham’s efforts to become the Labour candidate? Absolutely not, said Heidi. Really? Yes. It was far more important to have someone who was no threat to Keir’s leadership than someone who might win the seat. It was no big deal. There would be other byelections soon enough and this one would be forgotten. Yes, and Labour would probably lose those too if nothing changed.
“We just need another chance,” she sobbed. Word to the wise, it may be too late for that. Next, Nick Robinson accused Heidi of just reading out her briefing notes. “I’m not,” she protested. A little too much. Maybe it would have been better if she had been. It couldn’t have been any worse. She ended by saying Labour needed to tell a better story. She didn’t say who would be telling this story. Probably not Keir.
The prime minister did turn up briefly on our screens on Friday morning. Giving his best black knight impression. It’s just a flesh wound. Voters would flock back to Labour once they realised their mistake. Gorton and Denton had been captured by the extremists of the right and left.
Trying to portray Spencer as an extremist is never going to stick. At her press conference with the Greens’ leader, Zack Polanski, she had bossed the event, sounding totally normal. All Keir knew was that the world would end without Keir. It was as tin-eared as you can get. His bunker speech from Downfall. One word was all that was required. Sorry.
Still, there was some comedy to be found. In the appearance of Kemi Badenoch. You might have thought she too would remain silent after the Tories secured an irrelevant 1.9% of the vote share. The Tories had always tried to end division by … saying they want to deport as many people as possible. There had only been one sane candidate. The Tory Charlotte Cadden. The Conservatives were on course to win the next election. Even Stogia might have managed to laugh.
