Now we have proof: dealing with difficult people really does age you

Name: Hasslers.

Age: More like ageing.

Appearance: Regrettable.

That’s not very nice! None of us are getting any younger. You misunderstand me. I’m talking about people whose mere presence seems to have an ageing effect.

You mean children? Not in this instance (though generally, yes). Researchers have been studying the effects on health of interacting with hasslers – those “who create problems or make life more difficult”.

Ah. I’m familiar. Aren’t we all. As the study, which was was published in Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, put it, such “negative ties are not rare”, and they “have long been understood as a persistent element of human social life”.

So just how prevalent are these hasslers? Nearly 30% of individuals surveyed reported having at least one in their social network, mostly in a peripheral position.

If they’re only peripheral, why do we put up with them? They might be family, for a start. Often, there’s a level of obligation: hasslers are more likely to be colleagues or flatmates than friends, for example.

What if we’re being hassled on all fronts, personally and professionally? Good luck to you. According to the researchers, the more hasslers you have in your network, the faster you’ll age.

Are we talking hours, days, years, decades? They say your pace of ageing increases by 1.5% for every hassler in your life.

That doesn’t sound too bad. Put another way, “each additional hassler corresponds to roughly nine months older biological age”.

Nine months! “Roughly,” they said.

Still, that seems like an oddly specific impact to pin on an individual, difficult as he or she may be. I don’t disagree. Speaking to the Washington Post, the researchers emphasised that their study doesn’t show causation, but rather an association between relationships with hasslers and the rate of ageing. Look at it this way: positive relationships protect us against age-related decline, so it tracks that negative ones would speed it up.

How does a person age us, anyway? Again, there’s no proof of cause and effect, but it’s suggested these negative relationships function as chronic stressors, speeding up biological ageing and the associated physiological decline, affecting vulnerability to disease and even longevity.

Do we only have to worry about how many hasslers we know, or are some more ageing than others? This may not surprise you: the hasslers we’re related to show the “strongest and most consistent links” to accelerated ageing.

I knew it wasn’t all in my head at Christmas. Yes, many of us have felt older than our years after a family gathering.

What if you’ve married a hassler? Hypothetically speaking, you understand. Unexpectedly, while “kin hasslers” had a clear effect on biomarkers of ageing, “spouse hasslers” showed no significant association. Researchers said it may reflect the “ambivalent mix of support and obligation” inherent to that intimate relationship.

What if I could cut these hasslers out of my life – would I look and feel younger? No. But it’s always a good idea to try to limit your exposure to stress in all its forms, even flesh and blood.

Do say: “Assuming you’re not going to make my life difficult, it would be great to catch up!”

Don’t say: “One hour in your company is equivalent to smoking five cigarettes.”