Keyboard jamming: the sneaky way to make your boss think you’re working from home

Name: Keyboard jamming.

Age: Being workshy isn’t new. Diogenes the Cynic was famous not only for living in a barrel, but also for his rejection of ambition and employment.

OK, but I’m guessing we’re talking something more recent. Similar philosophy, different tactics. You know working from home?

Best thing to come out of the pandemic. Well, your employer may be monitoring you.

Er, how? Microsoft Teams, for example, shows that a user is “inactive” after five minutes of, well, inactivity.

Big Brother is watching! But people have been pulling the wool over his eyes by keyboard jamming.

That sounds as if it requires digital expertise. Not so much. You open a file, then put an object – a stapler, say – on your keyboard to make it look as if you’re typing.

Love it! While you put your feet up and put on the Bob Marley: “We’re jammin’, jammin’, and I hope you like jammin’, too …” Not so fast. Employers are fighting back, investing in tools that don’t merely track keyboard activity, but monitor actual work.

No! Who has been caught? Former PC Liam Reakes of Avon and Somerset police resigned after being found to have weighed down the Z key for 103 hours between June and September 2024.

While catching up on a few zeds, probably! You’d think the police would be better at going undetected. Hold my truncheon, says Niall Thubron, formerly a detective with Durham police. He pressed the I key more than 16,000 times on a single day in December 2024. Thubron resigned before he could be sacked.

What’s going on with Britain’s bobbies? According to a freedom of information request and public records checks by the Times, at least 50 police officers and civilian staff have been dismissed or forced to resign in the past three years for faking keyboard activity. Greater Manchester police alone has identified 28 keyboard jammers.

There must be a better way of doing it. Well, there’s the whole “soft off day” trend.

Remind me. Over to “corporate baddie” influencer Jess, who explains on TikTok: “It’s where you’re not taking a holiday day, but you’re not necessarily working, either.” She shows herself using an AI app to record a work meeting, make notes and draft emails while she does something more interesting.

Such as? Not sure. Cooking? Feeding the dog? Other influencers are available.

I suppose, in the interest of balance, we should look at this from the employers’ point of view, too. Well, there is an alternative to these cat-and-mouse games.

Going to work? Correct. Which is what Manchester’s chief constable, Stephen Watson, is saying. WFH has been banned by the force while it investigates.

Do say: “Sorry, the laptop camera’s not working.”

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